this is how a heart breaks

January 1, 2006

The new year is here and in my heart there is nothing but fear.

I dread what is to come: the returning to the drudgery of camp, the endless mindless projects, the obligation to go back for basic military training. I haven’t as yet sorted out my thoughts on what my strategies to cope are, but now, more than ever, I can’t and won’t rely on others. This year, my new year resolution is to rely on myself and find the reservoirs of resilience that I have never as yet had to access, because my life has been so charmed. The academic world has done little to train me for the politics of the workplace.

At least there are things to look forward to. The new term of German, the French refresher courses, the ever-nearer ORD, the trips after to visit America, Britain, France, Italy, Germany. Check back with me this time next year, and find me a free man.


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